But there are other situations also, where we are tempted to do what WE want, even though we know that God doesn't want that! We stand in front of a decision to either go HIS way or ours. We know that, by walking on our way, we disappoint God. And a lot of times we STILL choose our own way!! .. I'm talking about myself in this case. Last night I wanted to have things my way. I knew God was against this, because He spoke clearly against that in His Word - and still I gave myself to those sinful thoughts. :( The result was me feeling really dirty... I couldn't fall asleep for hours...
This morning I prayed and asked for forgiveness. I looked at my guilt and noticed: I had done what I wanted, but it didn't made me happy. Instead, it weakened my relationship to God, whom I love sooo dearly... I was shocked about my own selfishness. I asked Him for forgiveness, for healing, and for cleansing of my iniquity, which burdened me sooo much! And what did HE do? ... He simply forgave me... 2000 years ago He sent His Son, so that Jesus would die on the cross for THIS VERY SIN I committed last night... Wow... It simply leaves me staring shocked at this sin - and be disgusted by it...
But God has done even more - and that's the reason for this blog entry. He put a mirror in front of me: Not 7 times, but 70 times 70 times should we forgive, said Jesus (Matthew 18:21-22). How often has God forgiven me already? Way more than 7x70 times! .. And did Jesus not call me also by saying "Follow me!" ?
I love my girlfriend. I love her soooooo much! She made a mistake. She was selfish, yes, but that's the very means God used to show me how -I- am! I am much worse! God has forgiven me more things and worse sins EVERY DAY, than what He was asking me to forgive.. I was measuring with two different measures. :( Yes, she did hurt and disappoint me, but HOW OFTEN HAVE I DONE THE SAME? I have disappointed God waaaaaay more often by doing what I wanted, though I knew God hated what I was doing there.
And God forgives me. But He also calls me to follow Him and do as He has done. In Ephesians 5:25-27 it is written:
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
Wow... instead of drowning myself in self-pity due to my wounded pride, I should consider Jesus' example: Forgive and work hard to help HER in her sanctification process. God did not expose me to ridicule because I made a mistake. Instead, He forgave me and made sure I would be able to stand blameless before Him again by not counting my transgressions against me any longer. But He did even more - He even healed me from the consequences of my rebellion against Him. HOW MUCH MORE should I, who has been forgiven SO MUCH, forgive my neighbor (Luke 7:47)! How much more should I try to heal "her" and edify her in the process of her sanctification! How much more should I, looking at the love of God, be ready to be there for her when she needs it the most! ("Love me the most when I deserve it the least, because that's when I need it the most!") My pride was hurt, but reminding her of her guilt will help neither her nor me. Instead, it would just cause more harm.
I'm so thankful to God for showing me how stupid and selfish I am. I'm thankful, because He showed me how I was supposed to react in this situation, as HE is acting towards me every day! God is faithful and just. He, Jesus, who did not count it as a robbery to leave His kingdom in order to be humbled and humiliated, in order to serve those whom He loves (after Philippians 2:5-8). I thank God for showing me how to act and think as a Christian - and how to forgive. And I thank Him for showing me that He is allowed to require me to forgive, considering how much more He has forgiven me! PRAISE GOD!!!
